Things that are canon in the Metal Gear universe

barfy:

wonderfulworldofmichaelford:

• Big Boss employed a man whose sole claim to fame was that he was able to run. Said man also was incapable of jumping since he runs into claymore mines you place on the floor
• A man named “Hot Coldman” was a high ranking government official
• There are several mechs that spoke like Vocaloids and sang while attacking
• An astronaut died, was possessed by a pyrokinetic demon, and was able to continue living as a zombie by sheer force of will
• A man had his arm cut off and then replaced it with the arm of his boss, whose ghost then briefly possessed him. Maybe.
• Two United States politicians attempted to use Metal Gears to restore America to greatness. Both men were killed by the same man with a katana
• Nanomachines are pretty much the explanation for everything
• There was a guy who could control bees
• Big Boss discovered the tsuchinoko

• big boss and kazuhira miller invented doritos, mountain dew, and axe body spray. kazuhira miller may or may not have invented mcdonalds

• eva kicked ocelot in the face with a motorcycle. not ‘rode up to him and kicked him’, not ‘ran him over with a motorcycle’. she kicked him, in the face, using the motorcycle, as her foot 

• the first thing otacon did upon meeting solid snake was cry, pee his pants, and talk about anime, and they still wound up raising a child together. a success story

• a flaming whale ghost ate a helicopter and no one cared

• big boss’s dick is huge and it’s because of nuclear radiation

• solid snake never noticed nor questioned that the president of the united states of america has his exact same face

• tactical wedges. tactical stilettos. tactical lingerie.

• there is a bandana that instantly gives the wearer infinite ammo in their gun, in real life, no one questions this even once

• the president of the united states of america grabbed raiden’s dick