trilllizard666:

targuzzler:

micspam:

moonlandingwasfaked:

weedmeowth:

kaleighbytheway:

just-shower-thoughts:

As an atheist, putting my hand on the Bible and saying an oath before testifying to a court is less likely to get me to tell the truth than a pinkey promise

When my parents were fighting for custody, I was old enough to have a say, so they put me under oath to assure I was being honest with my feelings. Using my best serious face, knowing what was coming, when offered the bible to swear on, I requested to swear on the secretary’s hole punch, “because it’s far more honest. It says it’s going to punch a hole, and it does, best God I’ve seen today.” My mom buried her face in her hands, my dad sighed and rubbed his forehead. The judge almost choked on his water before telling the bailiff “find this young lady a hole punch!”

whys everyone on this site a compulsive liar

and all the lawyers clapped

Statistically speaking one of these dumb ass stories is gonna turn out to be true one day and we’ll all look like huge assholes

even if this one is true the person telling it is still the asshole

if this is true the custody fight turned into who the hell was gonna be stuck with the little protofedora Little Sheldon headass rather than who wanted the little shit more