nerdgul:

arcticbonobos:

ive been sending this emoji to my friends with iphones for years and this is what theve been getting???????

These are 3 completly seperate emotions

thebibliosphere:

thebibliosphere:

thebibliosphere:

thebibliosphere:

thebibliosphere:

thebibliosphere:

Mark the electrician has been here for five minutes and he’s already said “well that’s…weird” twice from the other room and frankly I’m afraid to ask.

It’s not good when skilled tradesman are standing in the middle of your room pinching the bridge if their nose, is it?

Mark just referred to the wiring in our bedroom as “creative” and “interesting”.

This is fine.

And now he’s taking apart the ceiling. I’m not worried, are any of you worried? I’m not, haha, it’s not like this house was previously owned by someone who would do something stupid like try to wire their house themselves…or store tins of varnish under the furnace behind a secret alcove…

Ha ha…

Ha.

Hm.

Fuck.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE’S NO NEUTRAL WIRES??!?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT’S GROUNDED INTO THE SCREWS HOLDING UP THE CEILING LIGHT???!?!!

clouffy:

clouffy:

crash bandicoot is a twink

DID YOU JUST TELL ME THE TIME OF MY DEATH?

phase2:

happy birthday to the only video on the internet

ichigotchipng:

ichigotchipng:

someone just requested a 30-50 second sketch animatic for $10

heartfuzz:

i saw my own post on my dash for the first time so here’s some explaination:

1. “The foos are fighting now until 10pm” is dad’s way of telling me “foo fighters are on austin city limits for a full hour”

2. he does not call me pops he calls himself pops and he signed the text

3. he types in shorthand and uses as little punctuation as possible hence the “baked tater”

4. to this day he’s rly proud of this. i told him he has 180k notes and he giggles and says, “what was my line again?” and i tell him, “don’t like that pic” and he gets a kick out of it

stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp

senior-skelly:

minnesotawildofficial:

krawps:

IM HERE TO GET SEXUAL

im high as fuck and i opened my phone and this was the first thing i saw which scared almost the literal shit out of me i screamed

theme song to this post

mesopelagic:

insanewalkerx:

mesopelagic:

insanewalkerx:

2-face:

50% of comments on any given vegan recipe in the world: i was TERRIFIED this would be DISGUSTING and HEALTHFUL due to the fact that it did not contain any bacon. my husband was like WOMAN, WHAT ARE YOU FEEDING ME? when he saw me put something in the oven that didnt contain a whole hog but luckily it turned out edible! LOL i added 6 eggs and some milk and subbed the margarine for rendered lard so my husband wouldnt divorce me. the kids liked it too even though it wasn’t exactly like pop tarts 🙂 5/5

other 50% of comments on any given vegan recipe: i substituted 9 types of gluten-free flax meal for the flour. instead of the margarine i used opium and instead of the sugar i used something i found in a meteorite. added some essential oils too. really aligned my chakras 5/5

The first 50% sound like every omniscum on the earth.

isnt omniscum that watch from ben 10

I think you’re thinking of Ben 10 Omniverse, which is basically right

I was thinking of omnivores, omniscum is a nickname vegans call “normies” but that made me laugh thank you 🙂

i was making fun of you

vuhii:

me being put on the electric chair for my crimes

perisnoop:

snake-fingers:

Hey @perisnoop

– –.. .- –. – –.. . –. – –.. .- –. – –.. .- –. – –.. .- –. – –.. .- –. – –.. . –. – –.. .- –. – .— .- –. – –.. .- –. – –.. . –. – –.. . –. – –.. .- –. – –.. . –. – –.. .- –. – –.. .- –. – –.. . –. – .— .- –. – –.. .- –. – –.. . –. – –.. . –. – –.. . –. – –.. .- –. – –.. . –. – –.. .- –. – –.. .- –. – .— .- –. – –.. .- –. – –.. . –. – –.. . –. – –.. .- –. – –.. .- –. – –.. .- –. – –.. . –. – –.. . –. – .— .- –. – –.. .- –. – –.. . –. – –.. . –. – –.. .- –. – –.. . –. – –.. .- –. – –.. .- –. – –.. .- -···-

wack.