Tag: fav

haiku-robot:

thisisradionowhere:

morbidmanatee:

shiftingpath:

dingdongyouarewrong:

dingdongyouarewrong:

remember the wayside school books those were fucked up

remember that one chapter where a new student came to the class and was wearing like 10 different raincoats and the teacher kept making him take off the raincoats one by one until they got down to the final layer and it was just a dead rat

some other truly exceptional Wayside moments:

-Paul keeps pulling Leslie’s pigtails so he gets sent to the counsellor’s office. The counsellor is a hypnotist named Doctor Pickell, and he hypnotizes Paul into thinking Leslie’s pigtails are snakes. Because he’s a troll, he also hypnotizes Paul into believing Leslie’s ears are delicious candy whenever Leslie says the word “pencil”.

-The class is taken over by the son of hated ex-teacher Mrs. Gorf. Because they killed his mom he uses his superpower of stealing people’s voices to steal their voices and call their parents to say how much each individual student hates their family. The students are forced to listen in silence, crying. (They are saved by the cafeteria lady.)

-Benjamin is too nervous and awkward to correct Mrs Jewls when she gets his name wrong, so he goes by “Mark Miller” for months. He finally says his real name to a substitute teacher. Everyone thinks it’s a great prank and also go by Benjamin for the whole day, including the teacher.

-Louis the yard teacher falls in love with substitute teacher Miss Nogard. She has a third ear on top of her head that allows her to listen to people’s thoughts.

-Joe is the only student to order the potato salad one day. The face he draws in it looks like Mrs. Gorf and she nearly turns Joe into an apple.

-Because Wayside School is 30 stories high, they installed elevators. One only went up and the other only went down, so they got used once and never again.

-Allison gets stuck on the 19th story, which doesn’t exist. Nobody else can see, hear, or remember her. The 19th chapter is three chapters long.

My favorite genre of children’s story is “This would be horror if the characters were adults”

What about the kid who got a tattoo of a potato at ten?

what about the kid

who got a tattoo of a

potato at ten

^Haiku^bot^9. I detect haikus with 5-7-5 format. Sometimes I make mistakes.

Accepting that you all are animals is the first step | PayPal | Patreon

gwynndolin:

spacedijks:

toast-potent:

tilthat:

TIL A law professor discovered a quirk in the law that makes murder technically legal in a 50 sq mile, remote section of Yellowstone National Park. He alerted Congress about the loophole and even wrote draft legislation to close the loophole. Congress has yet to act.

via reddit.com

meet me in the yellowstone national park in the next 5 ½ hours if you want an ass-kicking

i am having an outdoor tasting at yellowstone national park for an excellent vintage sherry. please bring your own masonry implements. jeff bezos is formally invited

the one true pvp enabled zone on the America dlc map

slothmaggedon:

>be me

>about 13 years old

>basically naivete incarnate still

>just discovered the world of fanfiction.net

>have an account and a few stories posted so far

>currently working on a fanfic of Spirited Away

>get a comment one day

>commenter asks if I can put lemons in my story

>I think it’s an odd request but will do anything to please a fan

>write the next chapter acknowledging the lemon request and say that the chapter WILL CONTAIN LEMONS

>about halfway through the chapter I wrote a giant duck running past the protagonist with an armful of lemons

>duck says “MY lemons” then runs off

>feel pleased with myself at having granted my fan’s request

>years later I find out there’s another meaning for lemon in the fanfic world

>lemons are sex scenes

>my commenter was asking me to put a sex scene in my story

>at 13 years old I unintentionally trolled the shit out of some random person

>whoops

krakeryn:

tramampoline:

evitron:

evitron:

best moments in gaming journalism

highlights:

  • “What’s with all the fucking gaijin in this area?” “Dude, don’t say that, use gaikokujin, it’s nicer.” “Oh, shit, right. What’s with all the fucking gaikokujin in this area?”
  • “The breaded pork cutlet bento box is like mega power. More than ramen. That’s accurate.”
  • all of them start dragging kiryu for his shitty cheap shirt for five minutes
  • “Shooting people sends a message.” “So does shooting anything.”
  • (after being told that massage parlors, mahjong, and hostess clubs were cut from the US version) “I feel sorry for the people who bought the American version. SEGA USA sucks.”

S: I don’t know any ex-yakuza running orphanages.
K: There was one a few years ago. A good guy.
M: You sure it wasn’t just a tax shelter?
K: Sure it was a tax shelter but he ran it like a legitimate thing. You know.

… I am weirdly charmed by the idea of a yakuza member running a tax shelter orphanage as a legitimate thing.

Instructions for a walk in the woods

thanatosjr:

  • Never turn around to check behind you. You’ll see nothing, but once you start doing it you won’t be able to stop, and an ominous feeling will follow you until you don’t lock your house’s door behind you. 
  • If you stand very still and listen you will hear the woods calling for you. Don’t answer. Never answer. 
  • You’ll hear things quietly following you, hidden in the trees by your sides. It’s okay, they’re just checking on you. 
  • Don’t be scared, but be really, really wary.
  • If you have a bad feeling about taking a certain path, don’t. You’ll avoid whatever is waiting for you at the end of it. 
  • You never know what may be buried under the soil you’re walking on. Remember that every time you take a step. Pray that whatever it is, it won’t wake up. 
  • Be careful not to step on any beetle, or you’ll never get rid of them. 
  • If you bring a knife with you, name it. Otherwise the blade will turn against you as soon as you try to use it. 
  • Make sure you remember the way back home. As soon as you get lost, you’re just another piece of fresh meat.