raptorific:

raptorific:

Sometimes you read tumblr and realize that the only reason some of the people on here aren’t Kathy Bates in “Misery” is because their favorite content creator hasn’t had a car crash outside their house

Me: Some people are so entitled and self-obsessed that literally the only thing that’s stopping them from kidnapping and torturing the people whose creative work they enjoy of is the fact that the opportunity hasn’t fallen into their lap. This is a bad thing. Those are bad people. 

Now-blocked people in the notes/tags: Called out! This post is about me! Relatable! Random chance is the only thing stopping me from becoming the sexual sadist and serial killer described in this post! So quirky! Don’t crash your car on my street 😉 [Kathy Bates gif] #FandomLife #RespectMyHeadcanons

professionalpeachhunk:

scrims:

intrepids-stuff:

havahnagilah:

asexual: [reading war and peace]
me, wearing only a g-string and a see-through chainmail bra: [smacks war and peace out of their hands] go watch some porn you geek ass bitch

Me, an asexual [and not-so-closeted rabid bibliophile]: What did you just do to my 131 year old piece of classic Russian literature, you pretentious under-dressed swine? No. Never mind. We both know what you did. Now pick up the book and return it to me nicely or else the only people who’ll be having sex with you will be the grave-robbing necrophiliacs who were only lucky enough to find your body.

goddamn

Is this an open or closed role play?

chongoblog:

chongoblog:

One thing that confuses me to death about tumblr is that they can go from absolutely adoring something to despising it over the course of a couple years, like all of tumblr is collectively ashamed of liking it as much as they did. Like Homestuck, SuperWhoLock, and Benedict Cumberbatch are now super shameful even though it was Tumblr’s lifeforce a couple years back.

Calling it right now, in a couple years, a large portion of tumblr will look back on Undertale with a slight sense of shame. Yeah, it’s an amazing game (and I could talk for hours about how good it is), but two years from now, we’re going to be looking at it the same way we see Homestuck right now.

Two and a half years later

murdoc:

murdoc:

so we just makin shit up now huh

WE ARE LITERALLY JUST DISREGARDING THE DICTIONARY NOW HUH JUST THROWIN THAT SHIT AWAY HUH

asexualmeansnosex:

hey?? i think it’s time we all fucking delete because i just had to experience this in real time:

porko-rosso:

celticpyro:

spuriusbrocoli:

a straight girl will date anything vaguely male-shaped so long as its as cis and het as she is. istfg you could line up the handsomest butches who could eat her pussy for days or the most genteel bi boys who could top her from wall to wall of her tacky apartment, and she’ll still choose her broke, ugly trogolodyte boyfriend who thinks staring at her tits is foreplay and humping vaguely in her direction will get her to cum bc gay men are meant only to compliment her tasteless dress over brunch and lesbians are gross.

So your girlcrush turned you down, huh?

platovevo:

discourse tumblr was a  mistake. like the moment we decided it was acceptable to make an entire blog so u could position yourself as a moral authority instead of just…. expressing ur opinions like a normal fucking person…. that was the moment we descended into hell

libertarirynn:

novaya-model:

kitausu:

novaya-model:

novaya-model:

novaya-model:

novaya-model:

novaya-model:

In approx. 6 months when all of Tumblr hates John Mulaney and wants to burn him at the stake for no apparent reason, I will remember the “John mulaney should be gay” posts as I sip my lemonade and watch the rabble dance on the ashes of yet another person they idolized into destruction

Actually, I’m gonna map this out for ya right now

1. John mulaney should be gay. Some fans quote the “God may ¾ of a gay man and then forgot to flip the last switch” joke from New In Town, I believe, but most people chuckle, nod along, and reblog
2. This will develop and evolve into “John mulaney is appropriating gay culture,” because this is Tumblr and Olympic leaps is what we do
3. That will quickly evolve into “John mulaney is queer baiting,” because, again, Tumblr
4. John mulaney will be the new Taylor swift, John green, whomever the hell else that Tumblr once loved and then decided to hate because ~50 million people can never agree on anything
5. In 2 years, the salt n’ pepper diner video will get passed around again, only people who innocently reblog a funny story from a comedian they don’t really know will get anons “warning” them about the awful, homophobic John mulaney
6. Most people will accept it outright, because we’re all a little weary of comedians, lbr, but some will question it. When the answer they get is “idk, but I think I remember people saying he was queer baiting because we thought he was gay but apparently he’s not and some people made joke posts about it that a lot of other people took too seriously,” they’ll respond with “are you serious?”
7. Yes, I am. Welcome to The Dark Ages™

I’m gonna schedule this post for 3 month intervals throughout the year.

Let’s see if Tumblr’s straight, white, golden child du jour survives 2018, shall we?

It’s happening

Ayyyyyyyyyyyyye

I’m so mad at how accurately you predicted this. This website…

And now there’s a post about how he’s the gays favorite comedian that was quickly derailed to talk about how he’s an anti-Semite who thinks his wife is a bitch based on a series of jokes taken wildly out of context. I hate how accurate this post is.